Fish Fingers
by USS Starcasm
Summary: The pairing no one wanted, but everyone needed... pale Eridan x Jack. Rated T for Eridan's sailor mouth.
1. Fish Fingers?

Summary: Eridan has been under the pool for a tad bit too much, so Jack offers him some food.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

Jack pushed the door to the pool area open with his backside, while he balanced a few bags of groceries on his arms. Quickly, he made a beeline over to one of the poolside tables, and set the bags down. He leaned against the table, and exhaled a puff of air. Idly wiping some sweat out of his forehead, he looked over the pool. Everything looked peaceful…a bit too peaceful.

Jack sighed, and stood back up. He took off his trenchcoat, and threw it on the table before walking to the edge of the pool. It was fairly big, and long; as such, he didn't see much under it. He sighed, and walked over to the side of it. Once he was in the middle, he stopped, and once again tried to look at what was under the water. He gave a groan as he saw a blotch of grey, blue and black lying unmoving at the bottom of the pool. Jack was in no mood to take a dip (then again, he never was), so he just took off his boots and socks, rolled up his pants, and just sat on the edge of the pool with his legs dangling on the water.

"JB-413, fetch me the Water-bot! This douche has been underwater for far too long," Jack ordered a passing by Jack-bot. The bot beeped in agreement, and left the room to fetch the item.

The figure under water twitched, the movement clearly visible on the calm waters. A few bubbles escaped to the surface on the middle of the pool. Other than that, no other movement was made. Jack moved his legs a bit, waiting for the robot to come back. He leaned forward and tilted his head, trying to see what the figure was doing under water. As of now, he seemed to be doing a heap load of nothing.

"Here is the Water-bot, as you requested." Said JB-413 once they came back. Jack grabbed the controller to it, and JB-413 set it on the water. Water-bot was a seemingly innocent looking fish, with metallic grey scales and red eyes. Jack pressed a button, and Water-bot turned upright and began swimming in place. On the controller, the tiny screen of it turned on and transmitted what Water-bot was seeing through its red eyes. Jack began controlling the bot, and soon the bot was on front of the grey and black figure under the water. On the screen, a handsome and angular, grey face turned up. Black lips were pursed in a thin line, and yellow eyes were squinted in annoyance behind black eye glasses.

"Wwhat do you wwant, Spicer?" Asked the being. He rolled over to avoid looking at the fish in the eyes.

"Well, Eridan, I thought you might be hungry, so I brought some food," Said Jack, the Water-bot transmitting the message underwater.

"Wwell I'm not, so go away," Said Eridan, swimming away from the fish. Jack groaned, and Water-bot followed Eridan at a distance.

"You've been underwater since forever! I'm pretty sure you ARE hungry!" Said Jack.

"I am NOT hungry! Noww leavve me alone!" Said Eridan. A low grumble made itself clear enough, and Eridan groaned in frustration and swam away.

"Holy shit, you're stomach just grumbled and you're still being a stubborn douchefin. Look, I'll tell you what I brought! Maybe something will spike your interest," Said Jack, standing up and walking over to the grocery bags.

"Oh cod please don't," Said Eridan, swimming to the side furthest from Jack. Water-bot followed him.

"Hmm let's see here… there's salmon,"

"Fuck off,"

"Tilaaapia!"

"Stop."

"I brought some shrimp! Maybe you like 'em?"

"Those little circle things that look like pink grubs? Hell no!"

"Picky, geez. There's, uh… cod?"

"Wwhy wwould I eat your cod?"

"…Why not?"

"Isn't he this superior bein' that you humans wworship?"

"Uh, no… That's God, and not all of us worship him…"

"I'm still not eatin' fuckin' cod."

"Well, _ww_ hate _vv_ er. There's some banana pudding."

"A wwhat wwhat?"

"…I guess you wouldn't like it either, actually (and I'm not sharing)… Uh, fish fingers?"

"Fish don't havve fingers," But they still got Eridan's attention. What kind of food is called fish fingers? What exactly is it? Eridan was bound to find out, which is why he swam over to the side of the pool where Jack was, and poke his head out.

"They don't," Said Jack, holding the box of fish fingers.

"…Then wwhat are those?" Asked Eridan, raising himself onto the edge of the pool and sitting on it. Jack counted this as a huge victory, and did a mental victory dance.

"Just fish fillet in the form of… vaguely shaped fingers," Said Jack. Eridan extended his hand and made a grabby motion with it. Jack handed over the box, and Eridan grabbed it. He opened it and took out a fish finger. He turned it over in curiosity.

"Wwhat do they taste like?" Asked Eridan.

"I dunno; I hate them," Said Jack.

"Wwhat if you're tryina to poison me?" Asked Eridan, standing up and looking over at Jack.

"Why would I do that?" Asked Jack, sitting on the table. Eridan sat next to him and took a chomp out of the fish finger.

"mm, noth bash," Said Eridan, his fins fluttering a bit.

"Glad you liked them, your highness," Said Jack sarcastically, standing up and placing the other bags into the grocery bags.

"Oooh I like that, call me that again," Said Eridan, looking up at Jack with a smirk.

"Haha, no," Jack said, and left the pool area.

"Oh, c'mon!" Said Eridan, standing up and going after him.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

(A/N): And so, the engines to this cesspool have been turned on. They rely on infinite energies, and they cannot be turned off. The people are crying to the management " _Turn off that cesspool! We don't need it! We have plenty of others! It fuckin' stinks in here!_ " but management... management just ain't got no fucks to give. They use those cries as toilet paper, and then throws them into the cesspool while looking at the people deeply in the eyes. Their eyes are an abyss, and so is the cesspool. The people look into the management's eyes, hoping to see some spark of mercy, but... they only see the cesspool reflected in them. They have stared at the abyss, and the abyss stared back.

Also, I'll explain it in later chapters (if I ever do them), but Eridan is a bit depressed due to the fact that he got shoved into this world with no announcement of when the fuck he'd be able to see his actual friends again. This is, like, his joke of a redemption arc fate laid out for him. So, that's why he's hogging the pool, to avoid facing reality... and (again, I'd explain this in later chapters if I did them), Jack found out for Eridan that he's a fresh water fish and so he filled the pool with fresh water.


	2. Smile!

Summary: Eridan smiles.

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"You don't smile much, do you?" Asked Kimiko, who was sitting crosslegged on front of Eridan. Behind her, a showdown took place, but none of them were paying attention to it.

Eridan looked up from his book, a pout on his face. He was just getting to the good part of this Harry Potter book!

"Oh, don't give me that look! C'mon, gimme a smile!" Said Kimiko. For being a fish faced, grey-skinned, candy-horned alien from outer space, this Eridan was pretty nice looking.

"Leavve me alone, land-dwweller," Grumbled Eridan, going back to his book.

"Not until you give me a smile!" Said Kimiko. Eridan sighed, and looked at the girl.

"…Like this?" Eridan's mouth moved upward in a grimace. His ear fins drooped down.

"Yeah! You're almost there! Just gimme a little more of lip-action!" Said Kimiko, clapping her hands together and expecting the smile.

"Wwhat about noww!?" Asked Eridan, jerking forward. Kimiko screamed and scuttled away. Eridan's fins were poofed out, and his mouth was open in a wide, shark teethed grin.

"There, I gavve you your smile; go find entertainment somewwhere else," Said Eridan haughtily, and returned to his book. Kimiko huffed, and left.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

(A/N): What's this? Another drabble? So quickly after the other one was posted? Haha, jokes on you, I had this thing fermenting in my files since like the beginning of time and decided that, since the weather was nice this morning, I'd post it. The weather IS nice, though, after weeks of the freaking Sahara sending us puertorricans its flipping sandy shitstorms.

Drabble based on: animexion. tumblr(dot com slash)post/114653325330/eridan-could-never-pull-off-a-decent-smile-thats


	3. Wu Guardian

The Xiaolin warriors stood in their place as they watched the scene before them. If it was one of Jack's newest ways of getting them to stop raiding his wu vault, it may have been working. It was Jack himself on front of the wu vault, only that he was... covered up to his neck in what appeared to be various bits of electronics. Basically, he had buried himself in a small mountain of bolts, cables, wrenches, screwdrivers, and what appeared to be fish sticks. Jack's red eyes caught something behind them, and he opened his mouth.

"I am the Wu Guardian, Guardian of the Wu!" Bellowed Jack in a nasal voice. Suddenly, Eridan jumped into the scene. He clapped his hands around the mountain of electronics with a "thwack". Eridan then proceeded to hug the mountain of electronics as if protecting it, and looked at the four Xiaolin warriors straight on. A tiny avalanche of bolts, cables and fish sticks cascaded down the side.

"The Xiaolin quivver before him!" Called out Eridan. The four dragon warriors glanced at each other, before back at... whatever they were doing.

"Fuck off!" Screamed Jack at the Xiaolin warriors.


End file.
